Assassin's Apprentice: Chapter 3
3.
Daniel hung up the phone and frantically began running around the apartment, gathering all the condoms he could find. Zena’s parents had just phoned to announce they would be arriving from the airport in twenty minutes for a surprise visit. He had never met them before and he didn’t want their first impression of him to be the reason that their sweet Jewish daughter kept a giant brandy snifter full of multicolored condoms on the living room coffee table, between stacks of New Yorker and Utne Reader.
Daniel tore a white plastic garbage bag from the roll under the sink and dumped in every condom he could find. The brandy snifter went first, glass and all. Then the five strips of neon-colored condoms she had thumbtacked to the fireplace mantel like Christmas stockings. It’s not like he and Zena even used them that often. They only had sex once or twice a week. Mostly, the condoms were for Zena’s job. She was one of the founders of the AIDS Awareness Association, known around Laguna Beach as “the Gay AAA.” Aside from the usual safe-sex pamphlets and guest speakers to the community and such, they had a little gimmick that got them some much-needed publicity, even a mention in the Wall Street Journal. They had an “emergency roadside service” of their own, which consisted of someone from the group driving condoms to any location within the city on a 24-hour basis—all in an effort to promote safe sex. Their slogan was “We Got Ya Covered,” which was Zena’s idea (much better than that moron Eddie’s idea of “Gonna Ball? Give Us a Call.”). In any event, the real AAA was suing her and the other co-founders for trademark infringement. The Journal had run Zena’s photo and interviewed her extensively. Daniel had a copy of the article folded up in his wallet, which he could show to her parents if there was a lull in the conversation.